Mitt Romney's Tips for Surviving Hurricane Sandy

Mike said these safety tips from Mitt Romney that he found online are a day late and a dollar short, since they refer to Sandy, a huge hurricane that has already hit the Atlantic coastal states, especially Delaware, New Jersey, and New York, leaving a trail of destruction behind. But he thought I should pass them along anyway, because there will be more bad storms in the future. So here's Mr. Romney's list:

Mike said you might want to print them out and tape them to your refrigerator.

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Update: It sometimes takes me a while to suspect I'm having my chain jerked. After reading those "tips" a few times and coming back repeatedly to that one about the dog, I thought I'd better ask Mike for some clarification:

"Isn't Mitt Romney one of those guys that's running for President?" I asked.

"Yup," he said.

"Is it that same jackass who tied his dog to the top of his car and went on a long trip, and when people questioned him about it he said it was okay, that the dog was perfectly safe because he was in an airtight box?"

"Words to that effect, I believe," M replied. "And yes, it's the same jackass."

"But didn't the dog get so upset that he pooped Hershey squirts all over himself, and it came out of the 'airtight' box and ran down the car's windows until the man had to stop and hose the dog and the box and the car off at a gas station?" I remembered hearing the story months ago on TV and wondering what kind of genius (a) puts a dog in a box on a car roof for a trip, whether or not the box is airtight; or (b) puts any animal into an airtight box for any length of time, for any reason; or (c) is so stupid that he thinks--or at least he tells people--that the box is airtight when it isn't. This type of person doesn't need to be President of the United States. He needs to be neutered to protect the gene pool."

"I'm afraid that ship has already sailed."

I was beyond livid. "I hope you don't plan to vote for him," I said.

"I've already voted," he informed me. "But no, I didn't vote for him. I wouldn't vote for Mitt Romney for dog catcher."

"Me neither," I said. But of course I wouldn't vote for anyone for dog catcher.

I did some research and found this picture of what the President's airplane, which is called Air Force One, will look like if Romney-the-Dog-Lover gets elected:

In the name of PETA and the ASPCA, please don't let this happen!

Updated again on Wednesday, November 7th:

Thank you!